Featured in the May, 2003 Issue of the Ashburn Baptist News
Question: These kids are driving me crazy. Should I see a counselor?
Answer: No. A male counselor would never understand and a female one has the same problem.
Q: How long should I allow Wendy, 15, to talk on the phone?
A: As long as she wants – on the pay phone down the street.
Q: How can I keep my kids from fighting?
A: Separate them or build a wrestling ring.
Q: Should I give my child an allowance?
A: Yes, if you want to teach there’s no connection between work and money.
Q: Billy forgot his lunch…again. Should I bring it to him at school?
A: Absolutely not! His friends will feed him.
Q: My youngsters get bored during the summer.
A: Enroll them in Vacation Bible School, Camp Joy, have them plant a garden and tend it, find the local library.
Q: How can I get my grown kids to move out?
A: Raise the board and room each month.
Q: My kids have so much energy they leave me worn out at day’s end.
A: You eat the vitamins you’ve been giving to them.
Q: How can I get my daughter to do her homework?
A: Priorities! Homework; then TV, phone and play.
Q: With a handful of pre-schoolers we can never get to church on time.
A: Start getting ready on Saturday.
Q: How can I keep my teen daughter from having sex before marriage?
A: The chaperon plan. Tested by our presidents with 100% success.
Q: Should our children have pets?
A: Highly recommended by veterinarians and Purina.
Q: Sean will not pick up his toys.
A: You pick them up and hide them leaving out only those he cares for.
Q: What shall I do about Jenny who doesn’t like her teacher?
Q: Tom left his bike out and it was stolen.
A: Give him permission to walk.
Q: My three-year-old Nicole won’t pray before she eats.
A: Never force prayer. You pray while she waits.
Q: Susie doesn’t want to clean up her plate.
A: Put it in the fridge and present it at the next meal.
Q: Mike left the gate open and his dog got away.
Q: How can I get my husband to understand what I go through all day with these kids?
A: Forget it.
Q: My twelve-year-old doesn’t want to go to Sunday School.
A: Same as school. No choice.
Q: What do I do when I can’t handle it anymore?
A: Divide your children among your friends and spend a week with your sister in Wisconsin. Then make new friends so you will have places to leave them next time.
Q: Will my children ever understand what I’ve gone through for them?
A: Yes, but only when they are grown and have their own. Then they will “arise and call you blessed”. Then they will come with candy, flowers, and hugs on Mother’s Day and you will feel their tears on your face as they say, “Mom, how did you ever do it?”